February 2010

I woke up very early in Reading, because it struck me that I was staying at the Reading Rainbow Hotel.

The Hotel Logo

Reading Rainbow is an American children’s show on PBS, it’s about- funny enough- reading. Reading, the town, is actually pronounced like the past tense of “read”- I just found it funny at 4am.

Then I remembered that Reading Rainbow had recently been cancelled.

Then I found myself feeling bad for show’s host: Levar Burton. He was in Roots. He also played Geordi La Forge on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Then I started to think about the Geordie accent from Newcastle.

It was over after that- I couldn’t get back to sleep.

We left

for

at a decent hour. The day was pretty nice too.

The train trip was as enthralling as ever. I looked out the window

Shaving is too hard to do everyday.

at the exciting scenery

A Tree

and recorded my every single thought about it.

The tree we just passed was nice...

On the way to Norwich, I couldn’t help taking a photo of this town’s station sign:

Some jokes just write themselves.

Oh, I should mention how great the show had been the night previously in Reading. I’d performed once before at the gorgeous Reading Concert Hall:

"At least there's nothing to upstage me during the show. Hey, wait- who put this three storey organ on the stage?" Notice my water bottle? Product Placement.

(Insert a hilarious caption here. Or something juvenile.)

Okay, back to the train journey.

We arrived in Norwich and quickly became reacquainted with how beautiful the city is. It’s the kind of place where you could spend the entire time just taking photos. It’s grandiose one moment and quaint or homey looking the next.

Luckily for me, Norwich would serve as my “home” for the next four days.

Off we went to the theatre.

The Norwich Playhouse is situated right on the river:

It's practically steeping in it.

The view from my dressing room made me nervous that the swans could to watch me changing.

The average dressing room view is of a brick wall or car park, hence the reason I'm including this somewhat dull tidbit of info.

We performed on the Friday and Saturday. The shows were fantastic. (Aside from a microphone malfunction. Argh!)

Norwich is the place to be as far as I’m concerned. Any place where strangers invite you to sit at their table (after they’ve seen the show) in the pub, is worthy of praise.

Aren't they awesome?!

People in Norwich spontaneously break into to song along with fully choreographed dance numbers.

I screwed up the dance. Heel-Toe-Kick-Turn-Toe-Turn-Heel-Kick-Pivot-Kick-Toe-Pivot-Kick! (Duh! I'm such an idiot!)

The staff at the Playhouse were awesome too. They’ve gave us some red wine after the show and let us sit up in the control booth with them.

At some theatres the staff line up like sprinters on the starting line and come the end of the show, they’re breaking world records to get out of there.

I’d like to thank the Norwich Playhouse staff for being so wicked.

Tristan Fox (actually from Australia and Fiji): a man with a cool name.

I don’t have photos of everyone, but they know who they are. Thank you, again.

It became frighteningly clear that I’m not the only one who REALLY loves the Norwich Playhouse:

I couldn't get all the kiss marks into a single photo. This crud covered wall backstage must be Norwich's version of the Blarney Stone. Ew.

There were two schedules days off in Norwich. I’m a bit sheepish to admit that in order to clean up some issues I’ve been having with the show, I spent the first day off watching the entire LOTR extended trilogy.

It shouldn’t be a huge surprise considering what I do for a living.

Did I mention that weather was incredibly awful?

Break out the budgie smugglers and let's get to the beach!

The films are just as good as I remember.

Yes, I’m a nerd.

This morning (February 22nd) I began with a radio interview at none other than:

It  was a remote interview with BBC Radio Devon, which meant that I worked out of a studio the size of a broom closet.

Sexy studio.

It’s snowing again today. Everyone is trying to pretend that Winter is over. Some more than others:

Happy Holidays!

I popped  around Norwich’s extensive shopping district afterwards. There’s an outdoor covered market.

It's hard for me to show the actual scale of it. Believe me, there's a ton of crap for sale. Along with good stuff too.

I found a cheese shop in the market which made me want to do that Monty Python sketch (What was it called? The Dead Parrot? I can’t remember.). Unfortunately, the cheese merchant had every kind of fromage a person could desire.

Finest in the district.

I think I’ll spend the rest of my day-off at either at the Cathedral, the Castle, or the Colman’s Mustard Museum.

I will miss Norwich when we go.

Onwards and upwards.

Tomorrow we’re off for Epsom.

🙂

Sometimes on the road you’re lucky enough to find that kind of B&B or Hotel where they just get everything right. You want to become a spokesperson for their place. Obviously the place I’ve stayed at for the last couple of nights has more than filled the bill. The breakfast was awesome- tons of choices. The bed: the kind you never want to get out of. The proprietors: Hatsue and Michael, are wonderful. Plus their dachshund:

Does it look like I'm interviewing him?

It’s the Hatsue Guest House, in Camberley. If you’re ever in Surrey, UK, and need accommodations, the B&B is lovely and reasonable.

Hatsue, is a very personable woman, she really goes beyond the call of duty to make you feel welcome. She even went so far as to drive us to an alternative rail station so that our trip would take almost two hours less.

She actually offered to drive us! This has never ever happened before.

Yer darn tootin' I'm smiling.

Thank you Hatsue! Isn't she lovely?

Camberley is a pretty little town I discovered. The streets are beautifully signed and named:

Sensational

The Camberley Theatre was cool:

Some drive, others cycle.

It’s always a pleasure to have your name in lights too:

If the neon sign says I'm "hilarious" it must be true.

The sign must have the power to convince. I had a whole whack of folks who came to the show who’d never seen or read Lord of the Rings. Like these two young guys:

Tom, Oli and family. Notice their step-mum with child? This is the second unborn child to appear in this blog in two weeks. Then again, this blog has only existed for two weeks.

In fact, the only person in the photo who’s seen or read the Lord of the Rings is me. Oh, the man in specs saw the LOTR Musical, in London.

The boys wanted a signed poster too. It was a pleasure to be in Camberley.

Tonight, I’m in Reading at the Concert Hall, starting at 8pm. Henry Paker is our comic support man.

I have an Executive Room at the Rainbow Hotel- it’s nice too- but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I miss the Hatsue Guest House.

Not as much as I miss my wife, mind you, because nothing compares to her.

🙂

It was supposed to a day off. A jaunty train journey, a few photos, ending at the B&B, in Camberley.

Maybe there’ll be time for a nice stroll around when I get there. I thought, nestled snuggly in ignorance.

Ha, ha, hahhhhhaaaaaaa! cackled the Rain Clouds as they high-fived the Train System. This fool will suffer! And his tour manager too! Ha, ha, h- etc…

Right- five trains and a subway ride later.

The day started off beautifully from

Look at the sky!

How did they paint this building the same colour as the sky?

So, we were off to London’s

and from there hop the Tube

It's so easy

to

Joy!

Simple.

On the Tube, I noticed someone had left their gloves on the seat:

Isn't it sad?

(There must be something wrong with me. I see lost things, and I know they have no feelings, but I feel sorry for them.)

The subway was just gross enough for me not to rescue them, love them, squeeze them, name them, and make them mine.

Instead I took a photo and worried about what was going to happen to them.

Trying to move on, I walked out into the cold and rain- because it’s still February and we’re in England. (At least the gloves will be warm on the train car. I reassure myself.) Suddenly, the fact that we’re actually back in London becomes very apparent:

Neat.

(The gloves are going to be fine.) I smile to myself and look across the train tracks as our train approaches:

Those shoes are screwed.

It was as if someone had been disintegrated or the invisible Man had a personal entrance for the train- meaning he’d be standing in the rain naked.

This was getting absurd. How did they even..?

No time- I was off for

so I grabbed my

and away we went.

The journey to Teddington was brief-ish. The walk from the station to my photo session (at an Arts Centre) was through a midday torrential downpour. The Arts Centre however was warm and gorgeous, a converted church and probably older than any building in North America.

Our photographer, Magnus, was waiting along with my publicist friend, Valerie. She’d brought me a sword from the National Theatre to use in the photos.

Sword good.

After two hours of

Work it.

and

Okay, Charlie, this time don't look so tired.

we’re off again from Teddington to

and then onwards to

Sigh.

The journey ended in Camberley, where it was too dark to get a photo of the sign.

After the tedious day off journey I was happy to discover our wonderful B&B, complete with a wiener dog who has a Japanese name.

When I came down for coffee in the morning the breakfast room was glowing.

Good Morning!

By the time I got back to my room (no train journey today-yay!) I had received some sample photos from yesterday’s session:

I think the day spent battling rain and trains was worth it.

I hope the gloves were found. I hope the invisible man made his train.

Between the lost toupee and soother I saw on the way to Worthing, along with yesterday’s shoes and gloves, I’m getting close to a new outfit and hairdo. What a makeover I could have had.

🙂

Tonight we’re at the Camberley Theatre, not surprisingly in Camberley, Surrey. 7:30pm showtime.

February 13, 2010

The sun pokes out of the clouds and suddenly the day ignites.

Come on, you can do it!

I’m usually stuck on the train when this happens. When it does, the passing towns transform into romantic, Shire-like villages, filled with Hobbity types who live in perfect harmony with their land,

Ahh...England!

their radio telescopes,

Can you see how big this is? It's at least 6 stories tall.

and their nuclear power plants.

Relax, those nuclear cooling towers are miles away, and you're on a speeding train. You won't get much closer.

Alright, so we get a bit closer but....it's not like we stop there.

Okay, so we stop there.

I did the show in Swindon, at the Wyvern Theatre, on Saturday. It’s my second time at the theatre, though it should have been my third. In 2006, I’d been relocated to an alternative performance space as the Wyvern was forced to shut to remove asbestos.

Some theatres look very similar to others. What I love about the Wyvern (aside from being asbestos free) are the neon lights illuminating the auditorium stairs.

It's always the little flourishes you remember. Those glowing stairs make me think of Saturday Night Fever.

I’d rather perform in a theatre that underwent asbestos removal than a theatre next to a nuclear power plant. Otherwise it would be more than just the stairs that’d be glowing.

February 14, 2010

I have to admit that on February 14th, I felt a definite pang for my absent Valentine- even though I’m the one who’s absent.

The show in Leicester at the Curve Theatre was amazing. What a turn out! Who would have thought that so many couples would include Lord of the Rings in their Love Day romancing?

The Curve Theatre is virtually brand new. It still has that new theatre smell. Photos can’t do it justice, yet here a couple:

An 80 foot wall raises up (an entire wall!) opening into the theatre's 360 degree "curving" lobby. Productions can load-in and unload with greater ease. It's like revealing a pizza prep kitchen by lifting the kitchen walls (as effortlessly as a cake cover). What a great way to see behind the scenes.

What a lobby! I've never felt this way about a lobby.

Alright, I'll stop.

Not all UK theatres are as grand.

Majestic.

The romantic Leicester streets were actually pretty quiet. There were a few couples leaving a movie cinema after a RomCom or two- otherwise it was desolate.

Dead, dead centre of Leicester.

Surely some people were out enjoying a yummy meal at a yummy restuarant.

Table for two by the window please.

Or maybe they stayed at home.

I hope everyone had a lovely Love Day. It’s nice to know we’ve gotten past that trying event of the year. Finally we can get back to the business of barely tolerating each other.

🙂

Here are two friends from Worthing, I met them back in 2006, and it was great to see them again.

Darren and Leslie. Love is sweet.

I’m tired today. I blame the very comfy bed and yummy breakfast. I felt satisfied and wanted to sleep another night in that bed. Alas! I had to leave, and sadly, I said goodbye to sweet my boy: Max.

It was a four train hop to Worthing and was it ever worth it. What a gorgeous day!

Pretty bloody lovely.

Along the way through London, I was dragging my sorry behind and 10,000 lbs of luggage from train platform down to the Tube subway station when I saw this:

How???!!!! How could this have happened?

Am I crazy to think this worthy of notice?

I’m not sure if you can see how small this lost- or discarded- hairpiece is, but it would be too small to fit a grapefruit. As for its origins, it will forever be a mystery to me. That being said I still couldn’t stop wondering about the person who lost it.

Was someone late for a job interview and not notice it fly off their head? Did some old chap doff his cap to a lady and not feel it slipped away like Sauran’s Ring? Was it placed there as part of a social experiment to see how long it would take for someone to blog about it? Did someone photograph me taking a photograph of it and adding it to their blog?

At least when you see this

Nice

you know backstory is pretty obvious: “Oh sweetie! Well that’s the end of that one. Just like you father losing is hairpiece. We’ll get you another one.”

Maybe.

I arrived at the hotel with a headache.

Get out of my head.

But there was no time for that. Off to the theatre we went.

This is the theatre I’m at tonight:

Pavilion Theatre Worthing

Very nice old theatre in this very nice, laid back town. Even the local ne’er do wells I saw down on the causeway, they were throwing sandwich crusts at people walking past. I think I’ll be safe.

Even the police seem very friendly.

Cop a feel

Well, it has been a long day and it’s not even begun for me yet. The show should be fun. I have friends from Brighton coming to the show.

I just wanted to end this post by thanking two husband and wife teams who have come to the show.

These two in the middle have a map of Middle Earth mural on their living room wall. Why can't we have one?

And

This is my friend Kezia's sister, brother-in-law, and soon to be niece or nephew (see inside sister's tummy).

It’s been a great week, here’s looking forward to Swindon on Saturday and Leicester on Sunday (Valentine’s Day- boo hoo). Enjoy the Olympic Opening Ceremonies if you have a chance to catch them. And happy Love day.

🙂

Tonight is the Southend show at the Palace Theatre, I assume around 7:30pm.

If anyone cares I went to the

Sounds terrifying to me.

at the dentist this morning. He was the FASTEST dentist in entire world. The process of getting a new filling etc. cannot have taken more than fifteen minutes. No injection, no small talk, he had no personality to speak of, but he was efficient in a way that (if this filling last any longer than five days) the dentistry bar has been raised.

Plus, he may have saved my life according to his sign:

Potential Life Saving Through Dentistry Certificate

Well, I feel better!

See? Don't I look better?

I should mention and thank the woman at the Grange Hotel in Crawley, who accommodated us for the night, in the last room she had. Also, THANK YOU, to her for searching for hours to both find and get an appointment for me at the dentist. Without her

My Unknown Heroine

I’d look like this:

Sexy

So we arrived in Southend and saw some scary stuff at first:

Does this actually need to be stated?

We popped over to the

Palace Theatre

Everyone was already hard at work getting the show prepared.

The real work that goes into the show.

So off I went to the B&B, feeling a bit like an idle lump.

This dude would need a jacket.

I found it difficult to relax at the B&B.  Maybe it was the train-lag- train companies discourage getting too comfortable.

Do Not relax- even if you have no arms.

So I tried walking around the town to check out the sights:

I guess it's because I'm 12 years old that I always read "to let" as toilet. Pretty day.

And the shops.

Finally! Someplace carries pork scratchings- I've been looking everywhere.

I could help but feel empty-ish. Not even my banana was a comfort.

Every bunch of bananas had a price tag like this. How do they make money off of them?

So I went back to the B&B and figured out what, or rather who, was missing from this day. (Aside from my wife and cat) On the ground level of the B&B sat an old boy, he’s lived at this B&B for 21 years. It’s been his home and he’s had the run of it.

These days he has trouble with the stairs. So he likes to sit on a comfy chair in the front room and look out at the sea- which is something considering he only has one eye.

His name is Max and he’s 21 years old.

Max, 21 years old.

I’ve been sitting with him in the sun just looking out the window. He was immediately welcoming to me and judging by his constant purring I’d say he’s glad to have the company.

For someone like Max, Life is too short not make fast friendships. And this view is too perfect not to share with another.

The sea Max sees.

So “thank you” too, Max.

🙂

Grantham – Crawley

Funny how some of the most trying days begin so early: this morning I was kicked off a BBC radio interview by the hotel staff so that they could use the hotel’s phone to book a cab. Turns out that the cab in question was being booked for me, at my Tour Manager’s request.

On the train to Crawley, I broke out a tooth. When we arrived, we rushed to the hotel to try to book a dentist- the hotel had given our rooms to someone else.

Oddly enough, tonight’s show is the biggest audience we’ve had yet.

Cute, but would you go see it?

I had to go to the public library to give a pre-show talk about adapting LOTR into a solo stage show. The people who came out for it were so cute, like rows of attentive kittens. I just wanted to take them all home with me. They’d never fit in my suitcase though.

Bye Crawley!

**It’s the next day and we’re heading to Southend. The performance last night was great- big house too:)

Adorable Kittens!

Started the morning with another 7:30 am BBC interview (this one completely uninterrupted), and now I’m off to the dentist before I catch the train. Regardless of how bad a dentist appointment may be chances are I’ll have a better smile because of it.

God! I need a coffee…

Sun 1 - Snow 0 When the sun shines here the whole world smiles.

I woke up this morning to see a bluish sky above Stevenage.

So nice. Why couldn't it have been like this on my day off?

It’s amazing how even just a little bit of sun can make all of the difference.

I got on the train and sat in the first class car because I have a dandy BritRail train pass. It gives me non-stop travel for thirty days on the extensive UK rail lines. You have to be North American to be eligible for it, but- damn- if you’re planning on seeing the UK, it’s the only way to go. Plus you get free coffee in 1^st Class! Which makes it totally, totally worth it!

Outasight!

Beware the menu in 1st class though:

Buy this ciabatta or the children will suffer!

We arrived in Grantham, took a cab driven by a sour old fart of a man, and checked into a nice little B&B, with free internet- hence this post. My room has a TV about the size of a sugar cube.

Afterwards, I popped over to the Arts Centre, where I’m performing tonight. Apparently, the internet and telephone aren’t in service at the Arts Centre because they’re in the midst of moving the box office. I wondered: how are people supposed to buy tickets for the show, but it thought better not to ask. All will be revealed.

The theatre itself is lovely, with a bunch of crazy cool vintage chandeliers on the ceiling. The auditorium is painted sort of a nightmarish pinky-orange, which somehow suits it. Besides, theatres are meant to be dark.

If this theatre is haunted, as so many are, I’d say it'd be a fabulous one. Gaudy anyone? Love it.

Grantham is a lovely town.

The cafes seem nice, but I avoided this one:

We got a C+ back 2006!

Just as a sidebar: Sir Issac Newton was born and raised in wee place near enough to here so that Grantham can lay claim upon him. There’s a lovely statue of S.I.N. in the square across from the Arts Centre. For those of you who don’t remember: Sir Issac Newton was the guy who discovered how stuff figs into pastry.

The Man and his bag of Fig Newtons.

I want to know who invented Hot Dogs in Brine?

Barf!

Gross.

Bye for now.

Strawberry Fields got stuck in my head (big time) yesterday.

Trains Rock!

I was on the train from

to

-and there were fields of cabbages. Miles and miles, as far as I could see- or kilometers and kilometers, which never sounds as impressive- or hundreds of thousands of millimeters. I tried to get you photographic proof of this marvel:

They're just behind the bushes.

Apparently the smell from them rotting in the fall is barfingly wretched. There’s fine line between food and garbage. For instance, you order sushi at a restaurant like this:

Oh yeah!

But, drop it on the floor like I saw today at a Tescos in Stevenage:

Oh gross! See the wooden chopsticks? Doesn't the "caution" sign look like it slipped on the sushi? Oddly enough, I came back hours after this photo and it was still there.

Hungry?

I watched the Super Bowl last night. Couldn’t give a toss about it.

Get it? Toss? Football? A? Hilarious. Seriously though, I don’t give a crap about it.

The show at the Gordon Craig Theatre was great- I was surrounded by Michaels. There were two technicians at the theatre: Mike and Mikey.

From left to right: Mike and Mike. The other goes by "Mikey" though.

Along with Michael Wozniak, our opening comic.

It must have gotten a bit confusing for everyone because the comedian’s microphone stand (accidentally) wasn’t cleared from the stage during the interval. So I had to begin my performance by clearing it myself.

Sigh…I can’t work under these conditions.

See what happens when Mikey and Mike fail to strike Michael’s mic?

It’s desperately trying to snow today- no success thus far.

Just watched the movie 2012. I’ll never get that time back.

I tried to add some photos to my first UK post, but wordpress didn’t like them. Let’s see if they like these:

Yay! Do I looked tired and insane? That's because this the face a mad person.

The train stations here are beautiful in a horrible iron and perma-dirty kind of way.

It's hard to capture the scale of St. Pancras Station- believe me- it's big.

Christine, my Tour Manager, is so excited about touring the UK on the train. What a chance to take in the countryside.

Pure excitement! Look at the sheep, and that castle, and look at the...Christine?

For me I can’t imagine sleeping on the train. I can hardly sleep at all. Jet-lag is evil. What I could really use  is a blanket with sleeves so I can sit on my ass and never have to worry about getting cold- even if I have to answer the phone. When will they ever come up with a genius device like that?

Hallelujah!

More to come!

🙂